The moment Jenny entered the room, I knew something was wrong. "I don't think I should be leading worship anymore," she said, her eyes filled with pain. "So many of the songs just aren't really where I'm at even though I want to be. I feel like such a hypocrite standing up there." The tears that had been just below the surface now spilled over. For Jenny knew well from our times discussing the prophets how God hated the praises of lips when the heart was not in it. I certainly didn't want to rush in with assurance prematurely but what I saw in her sweet face was not a rebellious heart flaunting self righteousness before God and man but a broken and contrite heart of a confused, hurting child of God who only wanted her life to exemplify all she was singing. Jim and I both suggested maybe she should talk to the music director about it but deep inside I wanted God's response to this whole issue one we've all faced many times and probably will many times again.

As she left the room I began thumbing through the church bulletin and pulled out an insert called "Why We Need the Psalms" by one of our young pastors, George P. Wood. As I read it I was amazed right here was our answer. I quickly called Jenny in and had her read it! Now I want to share parts of it as well as additional thoughts God opened up to me as I continued to meditate on it. May the Holy Spirit lead us all to a deeper understanding of worship.

George brought out that while much of our praise songs are "upbeat in tempo and positive in content, they avoid talking about the messy aspects of life: frustration, failure, betrayal, pain, anger and death." He then contrasted this with the Psalms, Israel's songbook, which "evoke praise for God throughout the range of human emotions. In happiness and sadness, triumph and defeat, pleasant times and painful ones, peace and anger, the Psalms show us how to worship with our whole being." He explained how focusing only on the good things of life in our worship is like exposing only part of ourselves but never the whole. He likened it to hiding our nakedness from our spouse out of embarrassment or false modesty, thus breaking our intimacy and rejecting his or her love.

George went on to state, "God invites us to come to him, to stand emotionally naked in his presence, and to receive in our weak and sinful flesh not judgment but grace. He does not want us to approach him with a double mind, singing blessings but thinking curses. His desire is that we bring to him our whole selves, with our jumble of confused and contradictory emotions, for him to heal, forgive, and perfect". He concluded, "Our religious culture, swinging back and forth from optimism to denial, makes us hypocrites, teaching us to praise God with happy feelings or not at all. But God, through the psalms which he inspired, teaches us to come to him, in the words of the wedding vows, 'for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.' This, then, is why we need the psalms."

As I processed all this, I was reminded of Ps 137 when captive Israel had hung their harps on the willows, weeping in grief and then had been forced by their captors to sing happy songs of Zion. Sometimes that is how we all feel, isn't it? Our worship is so often based on Psalm 100. We sing "I will enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter His courts with praise" (or something like that as a starting point). But what about the times we are not prepared to enter His gates or His courts that way. Could it be that the pouring out of our heavy hearts, our questions and sorrows and confessing our sins might sometimes be the appropriate order of worship if our whole being is really to be involved? Many of the Psalms say so. Can a lament not be worship just as much as a joyous song as long as our relationship is kept true and transparent and real?

Sometimes we think of worship only as the songs we sing but it is really the lives we live lives that have ups and downs, goods and bads, failures and successes. Romans 12:1 says it is the presenting of our bodies as living sacrifices which is our reasonable service and spiritual worship. Yes, our worship is presenting all of ourselves in all of our seasons. That is what God wants, for He Himself declared David to be a man after His own heart. And the psalms clearly show us that David came fully exposed fully sorrowing, fully rejoicing, according to his condition. Just as God does not want "fair weather friends", He does not want to be one to us either and is hurt when we treat Him that way for it shows we do not really know His heart.

So what is Jenny to do? What are we all to do when we meet together to worship God? Obviously we need to be real with God to come as we are. So if we are to enter His gates and courts with others who may be in very different places spiritually or emotionally, we may need to prepare our own song to the Lord before hand. For what really matters most is that we offer ourselves, not just our words and especially not someone else's words. We decided that, when we are called upon to sing songs that just don't "fit" where we're at, to make them a prayer, telling God that's where we want to be and asking Him to bring us there. Nothing hypocritical in that only honesty.

We hope this helps you have a better understanding of worship that can be real and alive in every season of your life. Isn't it good to know that's all God really wants? I think so. Now may the Lord bless, comfort and encourage you with a new revelation of His heart and desire towards you. May you worship Him with your lives and in song, honestly and truthfully in all circumstances, reaching out to the One who loves and understands you perfectly. We love you so very much. God bless you!