So far 1993 has been a year of isolation for me. Weakness has been my constant companion so that I cannot interact with others sometimes not even my family. So we have kept the phone off the hook and eliminated most visits. One who is well has no idea the energy it takes to talk, the even greater energy to laugh or cry or the tremendous energy to pray. So my external life has been all but cut off. My life has become mostly internal. Some of the people who love us are concerned we are in some sort of denial as we continue to believe God's promises to us. Let me assure you we have keenly felt the sentence of death in the natural but we know it is only so that we will learn not to trust ourselves (our feelings) but the One Who raises the dead. (2 Corinthians 1:9). For God is calling us to be like Abraham who could look at his body and consider it as good as dead and yet believe God to make him the Father of many nations. How have I done through this? My soul has often longed to go be with the Lord. "For to live is Christ and to die is gain." And how much better for me especially in the state I'm in now! But it is not His will, for my spirit knows my race is not run, my course not finished. And so, my area of battle has been to hold on to the will to live God's will when I think I can't go on another day. My daily prayer has become "Father, I don't know the way but Jesus You are the Way. Holy Spirit enable me to run my race and finish my course." On Easter Sunday, the family gathered around my bed as they do every day to sing hymns to God. Jenny led out "Because He lives I can face tomorrow" and the four of us began to weep. Just then a bird we'd never heard before landed on our patio. His call sounded like "cheer up, cheer up". It was a robin the first we've ever seen here in our eleven years! And in the bird book he was described as a "herald of Spring". For several mornings I awoke to "cheer up, cheer up". And then he was gone. Shortly after he disappeared, Isaac, our laughing turtledove died and the reports of increased sickness, especially terminal cancer here at Wycliffe, just about did me in. All I've seen in my spirit and the signs of the season of fulfillment seemed gone. In my mind, the enemy screamed, "Look at my power. What makes you think you're going to make it?" And I went down. But do you know what? The enemy can take away signs, feelings of well being, the sense of God's presence, but he cannot take away God's faithfulness to His Word. Three prayer warriors came and did battle here until my focus was restored. During their prayer, God spoke loudly through them from Isaiah 37 to my enemies (as He had to the enemies of Israel who had said the same things to them in vs. 10 11) saying, "Who is it you scoffed against and mocked? Whom did you revile? At whom did you direct your violence and pride? It was against the Holy One of Israel... It was I who gave you your power... But I know all you do and the way you have raged against Me... For My own honor I will defend My chosen." (vs. 25, 26, 28, 35) We rejoiced as we read the end of the chapter where the Lord went on to destroy the proud enemies who had boasted against God's people. Through my sisters' prayers, my eyes were turned back to the Lord and my will was realigned with His. Thank God for the Body of Christ my sisters who gave themselves to carry me a while until I could stand again. A few days ago I met a man named Mike for the first time. He's been praying for me and came over briefly. He just wanted me to know something. "The Lord told "Even when we are too weak to have any faith left, He remains faithful to us and will help us, for He cannot disown us who are part of Himself, and He will always carry out His promises to us." (2 Timothy 2:13) So in closing, we pray for you that by God's grace you will run your race and finish your course whatever that may be. May God supply all your needs and may you rest in His faithfulness. We love and appreciate you. I can't write but thanks for your letters.
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