Have you ever been through a time when your life seems to consist of just waiting around for things to happen so you can go on? That's the way life has been for me for a long time. Lately I've found myself confused, aimless and looking for mental escape. This attitude has made me realize that I am not only wounded in body but also in spirit. Recently I began my morning in prayer saying, "Lord, I don't know if You're waiting for me to pass some test and I'm just not getting it, or if You're waiting for me to fail so You can take over. But I'd rather die trying to run my race than live hiding in this cave. Please show me the way."

Later that very morning Jim gave me a note and poem (which he got the day before but "forgot" to give to me!) that went right to my spirit. Below is a slightly shortened version of that poem.

DON'T QUIT

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worse that you must not quit!

I still don't know what it all means in terms of precisely what to do. It seems like I'm taking the blows not giving them BUT I know I must not and cannot give up on all God has promised me both personally and for His Body.

So often we hear that God must be our focus and not His promises. It is true that we can easily get into a "just meet my needs" attitude with God, but it is equally true that God and His promises are one in the same. When Jim and I were married in 1970, we vowed to each other before God that we would be faithful in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. We look back now and realize that was just the beginning of a love that would grow to involve deep commitment, not just emotional feelings. We take great comfort in our love during this time of need because we're trusting each other to keep the vows we made over 27 years ago.

And the same can be said for God and even more so. God gives us promises so we will know where we stand and what we can expect from Him when trouble comes. Two very well known hymns of faith, "On Christ The Solid Rock I Stand" and "Standing On The Promises Of God" clearly show that our standing is based on relationship AND vows. Neither can stand alone. We can only put our trust in God because of His vows to us. The enemy loves to make us think that spirituality and surrender to God mean giving up on the promises of God to have "more of Him". We call this "the altar experience" or "death of a vision". These truly are ordained by God but only to put to death our human effort and understanding NOT the promise itself.

As I was processing the ideas in this letter, Jim and I were talking about the situation where God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. It appears that God is asking Abraham to give up his claim to God's promise of multiplying Abraham's seed as the stars in the sky. But in reality He was asking Abraham to surrender all of his ideas of how God would fulfill that promise. "Abraham assumed that if Isaac died, God was able to bring him back to life again. And in a sense, Abraham did receive his son back from the dead." (Hebrews 11:19) Abraham held onto his promise until he saw its fulfillment!

Likewise we have gone through much in trying to hold on to our ideas of how God would fulfill His promise of my healing. We are only just now realizing it is God alone who knows how and when He will fulfill it. Our job is to steadfastly believe like Abraham, the father of faith, even in the face of what seems to be the death of that promise. And this time has certainly seemed like that!

In closing, we want to leave you with these Scriptures which helped us see the wonderful interweaving of God's person and His promises which are to be the foundation of our trust. "Be merciful and gracious to me, O God... all day long the adversary oppresses me... for they are many who fight against me, O Most High. What time I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. By the help of God I will praise His Word... this I know, God is for me. In God Whose Word I praise, in the Lord Whose Word I praise have I put my trust. Your vows are upon me, O God. I will cry to God Most High who performs on my behalf and rewards me who brings to pass His purposes for me and surely completes them! He will send from Heaven and save me. Be exalted O God above the heavens! Let Your glory be over all the earth." (from Ps. 56:2 4,9 12; Ps. 57:2,3,5)

We pray for you who are facing strong trials which seem to contradict all God has spoken to your heart from His Word. May you cling to Him AND to His promises and find your faith completed and fulfilled, not killed in your altar experience. We love you and appreciate your prayerful support.