The last few months have been so hard for me. I've felt ugly and useless and have allowed my soul to dwell in these feelings. Without realizing it, I opened my life to depression which finally got the upper hand. Everything has been colored by that dark haze as I have laid down under it. There seemed to be no way out. But one day my dear friend Linda sent me a beautiful rose from her garden and it took me back to the "lesson of the roses" God had used to teach me in a very special way. I'd almost forgotten their message which I want to share with you.

When Jim was working at WA, he brought me roses constantly since the grounds were covered with rose bushes. I marveled at the many colors, shapes, and fragrances. I had read that roses must be crushed at the darkest hours of the night to yield the richest fragrance. But what fascinated me most was that I could never actually see the roses open. Each morning, they'd just be bigger and fuller. It always saddened me when in their height of glory, petals began falling and continued until the heart of the rose was exposed. Finally the heart alone stood the rose had given its all. It now appeared barren, wasted, and ugly to anyone who came in but not to me for whom it had given itself. And so I recorded the precious message of the rose in this poem (It is the poem God used to speak to my sister. I pray it will speak to you too)



Consider the Rose

So young and promising in her bud
Small and barely fragrant
Tightly closed, she holds her perfume back
And hides her secret splendor deep inside
Untrusting and unsure while sunlight glows
Is the birth of love within a rose

But somehow when the darkened shadows fall
She now unfolds in petals soft and sweet
And, like an offering, blossoms more and more
Exposing hidden beauty, fragrance rare
Living for another, not for self
Gives of her fragrance having count'd the cost
To reach her peak of loveliness sublime
She has not yet begun to suffer loss

For there remains something far greater still
Yes, outward beauty is itself so brief
A shallow offering even at its best
And so, unfolding more the rose goes on
Altho her beauty fades with each release
And slowly treasured petals fall away
Her splendor lies in soft folds at her feet

Unlovely now to those who pass her by
Except the One who watched her from the start
Who sees her love transparent free at last
Completely unadorned, she gives her all
Her trembling heart alone exposed stands there
The deepest secret of her love... laid bare

And so, Beloved, is my love for you
Tho darkness came to try it very sore
And youthful beauty faded all the more
And "petals" fell around me at my feet
My heart so full unfolded and lay bare
My offering to You a place to dwell
Eternal and forever Yours to share
This path is not at all what I'd have chose
But in me lives the secret of the rose

As I was planning to share this, I asked the Lord, "What is the real message here?" I know my battle has not been to accept sickness but to persevere against it and by faith and patience inherit the promises. But as I wait, much of my "beauty" and the works which I though made me pleasing and acceptable to man and God have fallen away like petals. I have had to learn to be not just to do. But God has given me a new heart for His Kingdom and brought that heart to the forefront of my life. Now this does not make sickness in itself good but shows that God has already made it serve His purpose as I wait. But above all, God impressed on me the message, "having done all, stand. Now stand therefore and hold your ground..." (Eph. 6:13b 14a) And as I read that great passage in Eph. 6:12 18 about God's armor, I immediately saw how and why depression had come in and remained. I was no longer standing but losing heart. Lies had come rushing in and my shield went down. Having done all, I was weary of standing so I laid down, forgetting that I had to continue on no matter how long it takes. I expected God to do that for me too and was disappointed when He let me fall. And so having repented, I stand again, knowing that what looks barren and ugly to human eyes is a pleasing sacrifice to God.

In closing, we want to pray with you who may be fainting that you will choose to stand. God gives the strength and the armor but the choice is ours day after day. "Lord, we want to make that choice. We're tired of being beaten up. Forgive us for laying down. We can't control your timing of deliverance but we can stand and hold our ground because you told us to and said you would give us all we need. Now help us Lord that you may be glorified. Amen." We love you and appreciate your prayers, support and encouragement.